***I acknowledge that I work, play, dance, heal and create this newsletter on the unceded territory of the Syilx Okanagan Peoples***

Hello, Beautiful Soul!

How are your hearts?

2 weeks ago I had a vulnerable share and spoke about the challenges I was having, how old patterns were creeping back and how I was experiencing challenge holding expanded frequencies in my body. I slid back into old patterns, and thus had to ‘begin again’.

This week I would like to revisit where I currently am and share what I am doing to help sustain the energies I was experiencing early in the year. Before that, I would like to introduce you to Mr. P.

Disclaimer: life and evolution is an endless cycle of oscillating frequencies. There is no ‘up’, and no where to ‘go’. The present moment is always changing, and we are always exactly where we need to be.

A month ago I got a new fish, a betta. I named him Mr. Pansy because he looks exactly like the face of a pansy flower. He was in a pet store in a tiny plastic cup, the width of it barely more than the length of his little body, so small that he had to bend his body in a brutal U shape to even turn around. When I introduced him to his tank at home, he barely moved for the first full day. He was transplanted from a one cup container to a 5 gallon tank, and instead of exploring as I hoped he would, he stayed in a relatively small area of the tank, turning in small circles, bending his body in that same brutal U curve to turn and face the opposite direction, as though he was still stuck in that same one cup plastic container. It was heartbreaking, and I wasn’t sure the ‘bend’ in his spine would ever straighten out. His entire life he had lived in that cup. He was literally bent in half.

Mr. Pansy taught me a lot. Over the next 48 hours I watched him closely. He started to swim, short distances at first. He would still curve in that impossible U shape to change direction, even though he had a ton of space and it wasn’t necessary. However, he started to get really curious. His tank is full of snails and live plants, and he started visiting each and everything in his tank. He would swim, all bent out of shape, up to a plant and look at it. I mean REALLY look at it. He would look at the top, then swim down to the roots, snd sometimes slip into the leaves and just….rest there peacefully for a few minutes. I watched his little eyes look all around. Then he would move on to the next thing, or to a snail, and come up really close and swim around the snail, moving all around it and really observing it, all the while struggling to move because he was still bent in that U shape. Mr. P moved around his tank and visited every single thing in his there, a thorough investigation with what appeared to be genuine curiosity.

The next day, he was bent a little less. You could still see he wasn’t quite normal, but it was getting better. The third day, he was swimming longer distances and taking a larger arc to turn around. His spine began to straighten out. Every morning I watched from my chair as his spine became straight and he began to turn effortlessly, swimming the entire length of his tank and now gracefully making large arcs to change direction. There is currently no bend to his spine any more. I have trained him to jump out of the water and boop my finger to get his food.

We are all like Mr. P. We all have habits and history of trauma that has taught us, falsely, that life looks a certain way, and we have adapted to varying conditions either of brutality or challenge that forced us to adjust to survive. Just like Mr. P living in that tiny cup, we have no idea how good life can get for us. (My mantra for this year is SHOW ME HOW GOOD THINGS CAN GET).

Some of us hid our own creative spirits away in order to be safe. Some of us learned to be very good and very quiet. To be perfect was to be safe. To stay small and dim our light was to stay safe. We learned, just like Mr. P, to behave in certain ways to adjust to our circumstances. My message in this story is that whatever you have gone through that might have been the equivalent of the torture of living in a tiny cup like in Mr. P’s case, it isn’t permanent. You can undo it. When I watch Mr. P now, it is like his previous life never even happened. Does he cling to the memory of his first home? No. Does he pretend he still lives in that tiny cup? No. He taught himself to swim in a new way, to adapt to his new surroundings, that I swear he is grateful for. He is now living his absolute best life. And you can too.

Now, we aren’t fish. I know this. Humans are vastly more complicated beings but we are also vastly more equipped to better deal with life than a little fish. That being said, what happens with unprocessed trauma is it gets stuck in the somatic body. You have to move it. If you are sedentary while trying to do your healing work you will only get so far. The reason I couldn’t hold the exceptionally high frequencies earlier in the year was because I still had old trauma patterns in my body, and I had a lot of work to do to be in a different relationship with my body and the information/trauma I stored there.

I’ve been on a healing journey for 25 years. As an elite athlete that competed for Canada internationally, I held everything in my body. And although dedication to ceremony, deep introspection, prayer and spirituality got me very, very far, I couldn’t sustain the frequencies I had access to and was ready to hold simply because my body wasn’t able to.

I had to change my relationship to my body in a deep way. My body was telling me that any discomfort was dangerous. My nervous system screamed when I tried to push my body, either completely shutting down or freezing. So not only have I returned to many of the things that got me to the level I was at early in the year, I’ve added a somatic yoga practise that is doing more for my body than all of the other practices combined. Now, timing is everything, and I was ready for this step now, not a decade ago, but I’m sharing all the things I’m doing with hopes that the ones that resonate with you can be applied to your life too, and you too can reach the levels of expansion and spiritual evolution that are meant for you.

Currently, I feel up and down, but I am committed to this next stage of my growth. I’m in the trenches of transformational work that not all say yes to. I understand that in order for me to receive abundance, prosperity, success, peace, and joy, I must be open to receive ALL THINGS. This is a Key. I can already feel the energies returning, though that isn’t actually my goal. My goal is to love my body. To trust it to communicate to me as best it can, and not from the programming of the past. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my healing- to meet myself every single day regardless of how I feel and realize that my Ego wants desperately for me to stay where I am, because that’s its job.

It isn’t about doing all of the things perfectly everyday. What it IS about is doing them to the best of my ability every day. Sometimes meditation is only 30 min because I’m feeling unwell. I still show up. Yoga has carried the most resistance for me- the stories about what I could be doing instead, or how the pain in my body is dangerous and I should stop, how if I feel this much resistance then clearly I shouldn’t be doing it- blah blah blah. Regardless of the stories my ego shares, I still show up. It’s non negotiable.

And you know what? That voice that suggests you don’t do the thing, that you have the snack, you rest instead of working out, that you should skip your meditation practise- THAT voice? You simply don’t have to listen to it. It’s that easy. Say NO. Your wise self knows what you need to do- it is your responsibility to listen to the voice that serves your highest and greatest good. The voice you may have been listening to may still be the same one that protected you and kept you safe when you were younger. That voice cannot help you traverse the path you are meant to take to step into your power, path and purpose. (I will also state here that this phase in my healing came after being able to discern when I truly required rest- if you cannot yet hear your body asking for what it needs and discerning ego from higher wisdom- reach out- I can help)

Create the time and space in your life to listen clearly, and choose wisely which version of you that you listen to. Your future depends on it.

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KEY’S KEY

“Whatever you are becoming, and whatever you have endured, nothing is permanent. The only constant is change. The effects of what have happened to you are blessings gift wrapped as trauma, abandonment, neglect, abuse and fear. To turn towards healing you must turn towards yourself- reach deep into your soul to source your own wisdom, it will often go against mainstream guidance and require you to activate parts of you that you thought had gone into hiding. Whatever made you small has the ability to make you powerful beyond measure. The reclamation of power comes from showing up for yourself in exactly the ways you were abandoned in the past, the things that happened to you that made you falsely believe you weren’t worthy of love. Only you can heal that wound- only YOU can love yourself back into wholeness.”

Finding value in this newsletter? Here is a link to check out the Key’s Keys Archives for past newsletters for more support on your spiritual path:

SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE

Federal and Haida leaders signed a historic agreement recognizing Aboriginal title over the archipelago of Haida Gwaii off British Columbia's northern coast. Here is the article, this brings me such hope:

SONG I’M PLAYING ON REPEAT

As a former classical pianist, this song touches my soul and I’ve had it on repeat for days. I love Max Richter:

POST THAT’S BLOWING MY MIND

This post shares some incredible and unexplainable things that happen when visiting the Sehkmet statue in Egypt:

QUOTE I’M PONDERING

“The entire oak tree is already within the acorn.”

~Unknown

INSPIRATION ON HOW TO BE FREE

andreduqum

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UPCOMING TICKETED EVENTS

SHAMANIC DEATH/ REBIRTH CEREMONY

RESCHEDULED TO Saturday March 29th, 2025, 6:30 PM

Due to the tremendous success of the December event, I’ve been asked to host this again- it was SO beautiful. Hope you can join us!

Tickets here:

KEY’S KEYS MEMBERSHIP AREA

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This week’s Membership tiers include :

~34 min playlist I start every single day with that is helping me reframe EVERYTHING

~February Community Guided Meditation recording

~The 10 things that make up my current healing practise

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Thank you for being in this community- I am so grateful for you and your incredible Light.

Thank you so much for being here!!! I love you!